


bet all i have on that furrowed brow

by lesbianenderman (eghed)



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Established Relationship, Jupeter Week, M/M, action sequences, rated for language, true love or whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 16:37:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15845178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eghed/pseuds/lesbianenderman
Summary: “Ready?” He asks.“Always am, Detective,” Peter says, and he can hear the grin in his voice.“You may now kiss your spouse,” the minister says, and the windows shatter.





	bet all i have on that furrowed brow

**Author's Note:**

> title is from “me and my husband” by mitski

“Please repeat after me as I say these vows,” the minister says. He’s a stuffy looking white guy with too-sharp cheekbones and a paper-thin mouth, though you wouldn’t pay much attention to that over his silly hat if you didn’t have a reason to. Juno Steel, though, did. As always. Today’s reason was on behalf of a client, who had reason to believe that at least half of the attendees of this wedding were space pirates. 

The client is sitting across the aisle from Juno, a twenty-something butch woman with a buzzcut, bushy eyebrows and a fitted suit. She’s tapping her foot nervously, and keeps looking over at Juno with her eyebrows drawn. This is why he hates taking cases where he’ll have to engage with the client. They’re always too jumpy; every time they breathe they’re practically giving themselves away. 

Or maybe Juno’s just paranoid. Either way, it’s better for him to work alone.

Mostly alone, anyway. 

“Juno,” The audio from his earpiece is tinny, but he could never mistake Peter Nureyev’s voice. “Rita’s scan showed that nearly all of the pirates are on the side of the groom. What do you make of that?”

Juno restrains himself from sighing and begins tapping lightly on his knee. Morse code: he’d learned years ago. 

“GUARDING SOMETHING STOP STOLEN GOODS STOP” he relays as quickly as he can. He’d be more discreet if the old woman next to him wasn’t weeping into her pocket square. He hears Peter chuckle. 

“Well, obviously, Detective. Look at that awful necklace he’s wearing! It must weigh ten pounds, pure ruby. You can’t find a piece like that at Marsget. I’m willing to bet that all the groom’s jewelry and the decorations are stolen.” 

Juno huffs quietly. He examines the groom more closely. His short hair is pinned up in dramatic curls, nails pointed to knife-sharp tips, large gown nearly drowning the best man. He looks ridiculous next to the bride, who is wearing a crisp blue suit to compliment the red of the gown. A red pocket-square, tie, and bright smile complete the look. Her expression is in contrast to the groom’s, who looks antsy and annoyed. A pretty bad poker face for someone who’s friends are all space pirates and has millions of creds worth of stolen jewels. 

“BRIDE INVOLVED UNSURE STOP” Juno taps out. Either this gal is a really skilled actress, or she just doesn’t know what’s going on. What a dick move, getting her involved when she just thinks she’s getting married. Peter clicks his tongue.

“I’d say she’s uninvolved,” he says after a moment of thought, “we should try to get her out of here safely.” 

Juno nods (as if Peter can see him) and refocuses on the ceremony. The vows are almost done, which means the wedding is, too. From what the client told him, he knows that once the marriage is complete, the pirates will jump into action and kill all civilians in the building, escaping with the valuables and bride in tow. Juno grits his teeth when he sees the woman’s eyes begin to water. What an awful thing to do to a person, he thinks. 

“READY STOP” He taps to Peter.

“Always am, Detective,” Peter says, and he can hear the grin in his voice. 

“You may now kiss your spouse,” the minister says, and the windows shatter. 

Juno leaps into action, ushering confused civilians out of the emergency exit and stunning pirates. He makes his way up to the flowery archway where the horrified bride and fuming groom are standing. He steps up to the groom and rips the ruby from his neck. 

“Was it worth it?” Juno asks. The groom opens his mouth, but Juno doesn’t let him speak; instead, he takes the opportunity to punch the guy in the teeth. He doubled over. Satisfied, Juno turns towards the huge shattered window, and takes a few steps. Then, briefly, he turns around. 

“Hey, lady?” He says. 

She turns toward him, eyes wide. 

“Try dating women next time.” 

He turns back around, making his way back over to the window. He’s about halfway there when a folding chair he’s climbing over snaps shut on his foot. He hisses as he falls over, his knee hitting a chunk of sharp glass. He hears footsteps behind him over the commotion and fumbles for his blaster, just in time for a pirate to grab him by the neck of his dress and point a knife to his throat. 

“What’s a lady like you doing with a weapon like that?” He says. He’s got a scar on his left cheek and his suit has moth holes in the pockets. His teeth are blunt and eroded, and he has a pretty bad sunburn over his nose.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Juno grits. 

“I would, actually.” The pirate’s expression becomes hard. “How did you know about our little operation?” 

Juno remains silent. 

“Not a talker, eh? That’s alright, we’ve got stuff for that on the ship.” His ugly grin returns. Juno tries to gulp, but the knife against his neck makes that a little difficult. The pirate turns and waves someone down. Juno’s knees are starting to hurt. 

Oh, of course. His knees! 

As discreetly as he can, he puts his pointer finger to his knee and taps out HELP and holds his breath. The second pirate is climbing over chairs and hopping around glass, and she’s also got a pretty gnarly looking knife. 

“This chick giving you trouble, Patty?” She croons as she leaps next to him. What kind of name is Patty, Juno wonders. 

“Nothing more than I can handle. Bring him down to the ship, will ya?” 

“That would require a ship to bring him to, darling, and I’m afraid you don’t have any of those.”

A bolt of laser fire shoots through Patty, who falls to the ground. Juno takes the opportunity to stun the lady, who falls on top of her partner. Juno whips his head around, and there he is.

Long coattails fluttering on the breeze, sharp teeth exposed by his grin, arms splayed out for balance, is Peter Nureyev. Peter Nureyev who is currently suspended in the air by his rocket boots. 

“Good timing!” Juno shouts as he shakes his leg free from the chair and hobbles toward the window. He pauses once he’s just in front of the shattered pane and turns around. 

“Patty’s a fucking stupid name,” he calls, and then leaps out the window. 

He lands snugly in Peter’s arms (bridal style, he notes, which makes him snort), and he’s grateful that he wasn’t holding his knife because that would’ve hurt. He looks up at his boyfriend, who is looking back at him, and his eyes are fond. He brushes a hand through Juno’s curly hair and smiles. 

“How can you go through all this and still look like... that?” Peter murmurs. 

“I don’t think I look like much of anything, honey, I think you just love me.”

“That I do, darling!” Peter laughs. “Now, let’s get a move on, shall we?” 

Juno nods. He looks back through the window, where Patty and his compatriot are starting to sit up, and calls: “Better luck next time, clowns!” He kicks out his leg dramatically as Peter boosts his boots and they propel upwards. He’s laughing. He looks beautiful. 

“You’re really taking after me with your theatrics, aren’t you, Detective?” He says gently (or as gently as you can over the sound of a thirty-story glass building collapsing). 

“That’s what tends to happen when you spend all your time with someone,” Juno says with a chuckle. “Hey. I love you,” He adds after a moment. Peter grins. 

“I love you too, angel! Now, let’s, how do you say, blow this popsicle stand?” 

“Let’s get outta here.” 

And so they do, soaring into the black Martian sky as the tower crumbles behind them.


End file.
